Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
