She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize