I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
it was like eating out sand paper
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
