She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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