Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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