There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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