Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
