Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
