if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
