Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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