Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
