White coat. Heels.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
