Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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