remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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