i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
