I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize