I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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