her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
