saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
