I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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