i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
