he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
These tits shall not be calmed
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
