The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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