if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
