Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
