you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
