I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
