I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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