Yo dont text me then not text me
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
