Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
