I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
