she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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