Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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