He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
