Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
