The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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