He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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