did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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