So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
