if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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