guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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