is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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