Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
