You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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