First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
