You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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