theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
What changed your mind?
Being sober
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize