Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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