Pregnant stripper...not hot.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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