you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
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