Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
