Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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