sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
