Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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