you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize