i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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