I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
