i already hear my dad disowning me
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
