he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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