everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
