I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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