a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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