I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
