i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
