i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
