I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
