just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
