I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
