she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
It's Friday. Sex?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
