she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
