The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
