Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
