i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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