End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I don't deserve a penis
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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