I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
