i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
