you're like a bully in the Christmas story
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
