I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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