He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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