I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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