I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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