my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Princesses don't give blow jobs
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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