is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
