wrigley field is MILF paradise
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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