i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
