I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
