Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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