Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just got carded by a ten year old.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
