i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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