I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
