I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
