the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
