i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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